you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
