This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Screwed.edu
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
