Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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