He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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