peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize