yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know her cup size but not her name....
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