i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
