You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
