overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hippo gnu deer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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