He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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