o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
