lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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