Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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