Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We are two peas in an std pod
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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