Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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