im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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