Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Are we still banned from the library?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
