Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
