Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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