I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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