dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
