I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
