my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
