xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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