I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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