So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
