its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
