im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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