At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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