i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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