Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your penis caused this!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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