i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
