my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he thought i was a dude.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize