That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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