No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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