I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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