I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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