I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
