I wanna bring you to show and tell
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
