Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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