I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
