I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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