Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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