my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
