Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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