i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
