If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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