I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
