I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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