did you get engaged???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Text me some of your sweat
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
