yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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