I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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