hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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