last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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