don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
