I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
