I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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