At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize