I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
