Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
