So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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