Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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