Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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