I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A+ Viking dick
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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