It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I faked an abortion last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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