We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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