Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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