Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
