Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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