omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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