Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize