No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
