Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
