i was born a porn star she said
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
