We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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